Thursday, April 28, 2011

I'm so tired

It's not the i just need a long nights sleep im tired of everything. I'm tired of trying, tired of lieing, tired of not being myself. Even when i try to sleep i find it hard to breath (not cause im so futher mucking fat). I feel it all the time this heaviness the is in every finger, toe , hair of my body. I could be lighter then air and still feel so heavy.

Then comes my father who never helps. Like im never good enough. I could be number one the best of the best to ever live cure cancer, aids, and anything else bring world peace travel the galaxy bring him a star home in my pocket and he would still tell me i could do better. Everyone sticks up for him to EVEN THE FLIPPING TEACHER!!!!"oh he only wants the best for you. You'll understand when your older." I UNDERSTAND JUST FINE NOW LADY!!!!! I'M THE CHILD HER NEVER FLIPPING WANTED!!!!! He has another daughter from his other marriage. With a woman who cheated on him with every man she could get her hands on. SHE MIGHT NOT EVEN BE HIS!!! and he loves her more. I hate the teacher for saying that. I wanted to yell at her for telling me that I don't know my home life. She wouldn't even listen to me as i tried to tell her. She would open her flipping mouth when i did and then just change the subject. IM BEING EMOTIONALLY ABUSED LADY AND YOU ARNT LISTENING TO ME!!!! Why arnt you helping me. Nobody listens to me. I flat out told my friends I was/am planning to kill myself. I have it all planned out every single thing. Did they listen? Nop, just went on talking about some bull shit thing. Im honestly starting to think no one would care if i died. If i just didnt wake up in the the ambulance to take my body away tell them to do what ever with it and go on with heir happy lives. Nobody would care. It would just be so much easier for everyone if i just...diapered.


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