Monday, November 30, 2009


Im so into it right now i have not eatten all day and! i found out that the first 1-5 day are the hardest part with a fast after that it should be smooth sailing! I can wat to reach day 3 cause the should be the hardest . I dont know i just want to be 140 as soon as i can. But my long term goal is 115 and then the what i want to be all together is 105 or 100. Long way to go but with water fastest you should loss around 1 pound a day ^-^ hehe im only going to try for a 20 day fast now that i read mor into it and i pary that by Dec-25 ill be 140 at least. I want to show my family i prove to them that i can do something right in my life.

And i will

So anyone eles starting a fast let me know ill post and email for you guy to reach me at anytime. Just cause i like my real e mail to stay personal.

And it is

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Dun dun dun!!!

I feel a fast coming on. For some reason i really want to fast tomorrow just fast for the week. I dont think ill make a week though haha we'll see. SO because of this random craving i have for a fast im going to do it. I know i said i want going to do a long fast but i feel that this might be the day. Like the plantets in my mind have on in line and everything will work out ok!

So anyways, the fast is a go and i am at the top of my game. Happy happy me right now...weird dont even know why im so happy. All i can think about is the fast and how im looking fowered to it...I dont think that normal haha umm wow im weird

Well say stong and fast with me tomorrow well today cause it like 12:30 here haha...

Friday, November 27, 2009

ABC diet!

ABC diet love the sound of it! Not so sure I'm going to try it right now though maby in a week or so i just want to get used to eating less before i do anything with that kind of commitment.

So my meal plan for tomorrow

One banana=100 cal
water=0 cal

An Apple=81 cal
Weird low cal tea=8 cal

Bowl of rice=100 cal
More weird tea stuff=8 cal

Total of
297 rounded to 300

That's grate!!

note to self: go to store and by apple+ the weird tea stuff

Anyways how I'm doing.
Well I'm scared to meet the deadly red number on the scale so not sure if iv lost or just stayed the same. So I'm sure iv told you about the park by my house, no? I went there today with my art stuff and right as soon as i found a right spot to draw this really beautiful flower some weird guys come walking down the path. So i just pick everything up and start heading home well they start walking faster. So i kind of started walking faster. Then one of them yell something that sounded like "Hey babe"... so at this point I'm about to start running but i just calm down and walk alittle faster. So he come running up to and grabs my hand. First thing i do is turn around a hit him... then i see all he wanted to do was give me my phone that i must have dropped... Has this ever happened to anyone other then me or am i just the only loser in this world...

Life lesson of the day... not every drunk random guy is trying to rape you

Stay strong

Thursday, November 26, 2009


So thanksgiving..

I only had 785 cals...but why do i feel like such a let down to everyone. I'm trying really hard not to purge, even though no ones home and i know i could get away with it i just know its not what i need to be doing. I don't know. Tomorrow is a starve day so i might feel better about it then. Maby ill even go for a run or clean my room and stuff. I feel so bad about eating i did well on my starve yesterday its just so hard to come off from doing so well then eating so much. Know i can do this then eating a feeling like shit hurts. I mean i love starving it makes me feel so strong and so in control of my world and life i just don't know what to do. I have to starve days in a row and ill feel better by the end ok it. Then i have to eat again and i just cant do that. I hate feeling this way.

Im still trying to think of some way to feel better about it but the one word that keeps pounding in my head is purge purge purge PURGE! I hate look at the the pretty and thin people around me and not having that makes me want to work harder and also makes me want to cry for just being who i am and that's wrong. Even i know you should never hate who you are cause it can always be fixed with hard work..well most of it.

Well all i can tell myself is to keep trying and never give up because those people who keep telling me i cant just make me try that much harder. Every time i fail i will come back around 5 times harder. Just keep think of that goal ALice and you'll get there no matter what!

For people who keep getting told that you'll never make it to your goal well then prove them wrong try that much harder. You'll get there.

Dun dun dun

Thanks giving god let you know more later

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Im sooooo stupied


I eat way to much today and am about to burst into tear cause i cant do this!Why cant i do this I'm such a loser! God! What the hells wrong with me. I'll starve one day and feel grate about then i have to go and eat making my self even more of a fat pig WITH NO CONTROL IN MY HOLE LIFE!!!! That's it i have this whole week off and i think some of next week all but thanks giving i will not eat YOU HEAR THAT!!!<---talking to myself. Even on thanks giving i will eat as little as i can . nothing over 800 Cal's and then nothing for the rest of the day and if i cant do this i will look myself in my room with enough water for 5 day and will not come out unless its for the bathroom! I will do this and i will not fail!

O my god my brother walk in wall i was typing that! They cant know about this diet. I will be sooooooo dead it not even funny. MY heart is pounding. calm down, breath, in out in out. OK better!

Anyways here's the plan for the next 10 days

1: Starve
2: 800 Cal's
5:100 Cal's
8:110 Cal's

Now if i can do that simple little ten day plan i might feel better about myself and doing a 5 day fast. Then once i can do a 5 day fast i slowly build up my fastest by one day.

I I'm falling in love with so many blogs here. It kind of help so when i do eat all i have to do is come on and read then the hunger slowly starts to fade away and i eat less then i would have.

Thin is in! Stay strong!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Thank You My New Follower Person ya...

Ya so a lot of peoples blog that i look at have days
were they plan how many calories they are going to eat for that day, but then like ever 5 to 10 day they fast. Good idea, no? So because i am having the hardest time getting past the 2 day mark i thought i would fallow the crowd and plan it out. =D. So that we will try.

Now time for the "why cant you realize what I'm going through right now" moment.

So my friend lets say "Sally" does this online chat thing with people. So because she felt like no guy would every love her she made another account and had that guy love her. Now she told me about this then went on and on and ON! about how she wants a guy like that and how she's never good enough and how she need to work at stuff about her bla bla bla! This person is my best friend and i was sitting there like WHAT THE F**K!!! you are one of the better people i have meet in my life. I also wanted to yell at her and be like "You think your life is so hard! Try hating yourself every waking moment of your life! Not only that but be constantly made fun of to your face! Having perfection then waking up and realizing it was only a dream! AND WISHING GOD WOULD JUST KILL YOU NOW!!!" ya i have problems but i just kept it all in my mouth feeling the tear build up and say if i only had half the looks you got maby then i could stand to look I'm the mirror. So I'm going to shut up right now about that.

OK so calorie plan right?

Will have it all planed out by tomorrow and with thanks giving coming up. Oh dear god family full of crazy eater's what ever will i do!!!!

Talk to you soon and stay strong!

Saturday, November 14, 2009


I feel like a worthless loser who can do anything right

So, to days an eat day DUN DUN DUUUUN!!.....Sorry about that. Anyways i don't think I'm going to do the starve eat starve eat. Most 'cause it makes me feel like I'm a failer. So were going to start off with a short term goal. So on Monday I will be starting my fast.

Reasons why i want my room clean when i start my fast
  1. Because i don't want to stress over anything
  2. So i have a nice calm place to read, draw, etc
  3. So my parents don't have a reason to come up and make sure everything OK
  4. Because if i want to be perfect everything around me has to be perfect
Next of all is to make sure no one at school sees I'm not eating. I found out if i drink enough water before and during a class that it can hide the pains and the loud noise if can make that almost everyone thinks is a fart....ass holes. So always have some water or something with me. Then i found this really grate tea! It has only 2 calories in the whole thing and it really help cut cravings. I all so have some new rules to better myself through out the day.

  1. First and for most DO NOT DRAM ON SELF!!!
  2. Speak clammily no one likes it when you yell at there face
  3. Be kind to everyone even the people who are fatter then you
  4. Do home work this can also help with controlling yourself from eating
  5. Don't make rude comment about anything people are entitled to their own opinions!
  6. Do not let anyone tell you what to do you are your own person!
  7. find something your good at
  8. When close to your goal weight find a look all your own
  9. When people ask whats wrong always smile and say its nothing
  10. If your old enough get a job save your parent some money and this way you can go buy close when the old one get to big.
Just ten for now something i need to work on and what not.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Day Two

It went really well.

My bed time was like 2 and a half hours ago so ill tell more tomorrow

Monday, November 9, 2009

Day one!

Day one has gone grate!!!! i haven't ate all day! And i burned like a ton of calories.

I dont really have much to say so anything to help out let me know!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Family Dinner

Oh my god

I'm really happy with myself. I ate very little and what i did it was mainly healthy so it wasn't to bad.

Tomorrow starts my fast. The hard part is my mom like to make me something to eat in the morning every morning. So i was just thinking of telling her ill get something at school. If anyone has any idea on how to get out of the please let me know i would love to know. Next i got a lot of the crystal light packs so I'm set. Not sure how long I'm going to make the fast last I'm thinking about 20 day at the most (cause this is my first fast and i don't want to push it to the point of stuffing my face with everything in the house). Next off it going to be hard as well cause the fact we have "family night" every Friday and the mean food and load of it. Again any idea on how to get out of that i would love to hear them.

I think it would be best to find a place to sit and draw or read something like that away from all this food in the world. There's a park by my house that i can walk to with trees and places to sit i might just go there. There's not very many places to go that my parent cant find me.

So next off is school. With school you can go online and find out what your child is eating and what day there eating on. I was planing on giving my food to a friend and then if that doesn't work just buying it a throwing it away. And its not wasting food cause I'm just going to throw it up later. Also going over to my friends house anytime i go over they always try to feed me dinner. I don't want to avoid my friend but if it comes to that point ill have to. Also There's the fact that i have friend who all they do it eat and the don't have to worry about getting fat cause they have the best body's. Some people are just so lucky.

OK now the risks with fast wells some of them that i have read.

  1. One is being really dehydrated I think maby if i just drink lots and lots of water that it would help a ton
  2. Is the bad breath, with this I'm just going to carry breath mints every where i go and keep popping them in
  3. This one going to suck having headaches now there not much i can do about this one taking pain kill wont work
  4. Then as always stomic pains now with this i rather just drink load of water and my "juice" that the pain goes away so like wall at school before bed and other stuff
OK so that just some of the stuff I'm worried about and that comes up on every page. If anyone think that these idea of mine are bad let me know i really hate to fail.

Anyone has any idea please please do let me know.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Starts monday!


I know i posted already today but i don't know. i wanted to let you know i will be starting my diet Monday cause tomorrow i have a family dinner there's no way in hell i could get out of. My family very close and loves to eat so that's what makes me dieting really hard. My mother and father think that diets are stupid and if you fat you fat who cares. But they also say that as long as you happy with yourself nothing else matters, well I'm not happy with myself so until i am the it matter. I don't know that didn't make much scenes did it.

On the other hand I'm not going to go with juice. Just cause it has high calories so I'm going to try Crystal light. It only have 5 calories and well that's about it. I think that even though I'm fasting I'm going to try vitamin pill. But i don't know, is that a good idea?

So if anyone has any idea please let me know i would love to hear them.

stay thin!

Getting Started

First Blog ^w^

Not really sure how this is going to work out but I'll try it.

Ok so iv been trying to diet for about one month now and I'm having a hard time with it. So trying a fast it the best thing i can think of. Iv read a lot about it and for a lot of people it has worked really well. One of my favorites is call a "Juice fast" sound good right? Don't know iv never done this before.

Alright, so mainly about me im shy i dont open up mutch and my parents would kill me if they found out about this fast. Im really good in school even though i dont show it much. I have problems with letting people in and i can really hate myself at times.

So if anyone has any ideas about this fast or can help me with it please i would love to hear and i wont judge.