Sigh

So thanksgiving..

I only had 785 cals...but why do i feel like such a let down to everyone. I'm trying really hard not to purge, even though no ones home and i know i could get away with it i just know its not what i need to be doing. I don't know. Tomorrow is a starve day so i might feel better about it then. Maby ill even go for a run or clean my room and stuff. I feel so bad about eating i did well on my starve yesterday its just so hard to come off from doing so well then eating so much. Know i can do this then eating a feeling like shit hurts. I mean i love starving it makes me feel so strong and so in control of my world and life i just don't know what to do. I have to starve days in a row and ill feel better by the end ok it. Then i have to eat again and i just cant do that. I hate feeling this way.

Im still trying to think of some way to feel better about it but the one word that keeps pounding in my head is purge purge purge PURGE! I hate look at the the pretty and thin people around me and not having that makes me want to work harder and also makes me want to cry for just being who i am and that's wrong. Even i know you should never hate who you are cause it can always be fixed with hard work..well most of it.

Well all i can tell myself is to keep trying and never give up because those people who keep telling me i cant just make me try that much harder. Every time i fail i will come back around 5 times harder. Just keep think of that goal ALice and you'll get there no matter what!

For people who keep getting told that you'll never make it to your goal well then prove them wrong try that much harder. You'll get there.