Saturday, March 5, 2011


I swear to god everyone hates me these past two weeks. I have cheerleaders and popular kids on my ass. My brother is a fucking ass hole. And my father just called me a pig. You know about my diet plan and stuff. Well today i was well under the allowed intake and thought it would be ok if i had some ice cream. So i pulled it out got a little and before i could even take one bite my father (i dont even want to call him that) says

"You going to eat all that, holy cow thats a lot, pigging out" So i threw it in the freezer and stormed off so now one could see me cry at what a fat loser i am. My mom comes in and starts asking stuff. Her reply to his comment

"He never said that" HE WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER WHEN HE SAID IT! HOW COULD SHE TAKE HIS SIDE! SHE KNOW HOW DEPRESSED IM FEELING LATELY AND SHE STICKS UP FOR HIM! Im sick of this i cant take it anymore. I cant take the words and people glaring at me and throwing stuff at me. I cant take people making fun of me.Every day im finding it harder and harder to go on. every days someone adds another rock to my back pack and a larger hill to clime. All my father dose is bring up things i should do in my life and what im doing wrong point out things that i tell him over and over i dont want to do or im not ready for yet or stuff im scared of. I dont want to start driving im scared of cars i hate them and he keeps pushing me to go out and start driving no matter how much i tell him. He keeps telling me how i need to drop a few pounds and get out and do something. Dose he not understand that to me thats calling me fat. And when i even said he was hurting my feeling he didnt apologize for it he just ignored me. I cant do it i cant live this life. What am i to do? Everything hurt my heart my head my body. I cant sleep. Im failing two classes. How do can they think that everything is all right? I feel so alone. My friends are no help. I nearly started crying in class the other day. I cant do it anymore its to hard. I feel like im just a cry baby like im so weak. Everyone thinks im amazing cause i act like i don't care what people say. In truth i do care, i care about every word, i care what people think of me, i care if people hate me or not, i care that i cant stick up for myself, i care that i cant show emotion in front of others and end up collapsing to the floor later from all the pain i have bottled up. And im getting to the breaking point. I feel like this is the only place i can let it out. And even them its not everything. There is so much more. Im falling down the rabbit hole with nothing but the knowledge of being impaled when its over.

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